Outwitting My Scammer

I returned to my scammer, Alex Nicholas, hoping to out scam him.

When Alex asked where I'd been, I said: "You planned to scam me."

"Hahahahahaha. Is that what you think??? Lol You just called me a scammer?"

We fought the rest of that day. About loyalty, respect, eternal happiness, faith, romance, advice, distance. Alex loved to wax eloquent, to overwhelm me with hifalutin words.

Finally I butted in: "Oh, Alex, so you're a scammer. It could be worse. You could be a dentist."

He didn't find this funny. "You don't love me at all."

Then I pulled Scam #1: I redefined the term. "Scamming is just an activity people do to make money. You can dislike scamming but love the person who does it."

He perked up. "Who is the scammer now?"

"The scammer is the person who is scamming." That settled him down.

Then I wrote Scam #2, to beg Alex's pardon. "Please forgive me, Alex. Instead of turning to you as I should have, I pushed the panic button. Once I'd pushed it, I couldn't calm myself down. And look what I did, I just got you all agitated, too. I'm so sorry."

We stopped fighting and signed off for the night.

The next morning, Alex hopped right to it. He wanted $2,550 ticket money to fly to the USA so we could meet face to face. "I'm really stuck for cash," he said. "I have no family but a young daughter. The UN won't let me use money or credit card in Syria for security reasons." He also lacked access to his USA bank account. "So what," he wondered, "do we do now to get me home?"

The royal "we."

"Well," I countered, "suppose you can't borrow $2,550, what will you do?"

"Staying in Syria is too dangerous, but if God wants it to be, I'll stay here and die. But if you really love your man, you'll follow your heart."

"I will, Alex, I will. But first I have to run an errand. Talk to you later."

A bank errand, Alex thought. By the next morning, he waxed eloquent, his technique for rewarding his victim. "Good morning sweet Love," he wrote. "You have you been on my mind and thoughts all day and night. What a wonderful ending of a year! Finding you, chatting online, confessing my love, and it happens all over again that I am in love with you. The feelings that I felt for you resurface. Only this time, I am free to act on them Thank you, My Love. What more can a man say to the woman who opened her heart to him, allowing him to feel the warmth of her love across the great distance that separates them? You have no idea what I feel for you.I try to put this feeling into words, but fail miserably. This feeling of being both scared and at peace, of having both butterflies and a sense of calm, is a feeling that I have only dreamed about. As the days pass, my love for you continues to grow. I never thought I had the capacity to love anybody as much as I love you right now. Yet, my love for you continues to mature, growing beyond the realm of my heart. It seems that you have become the fiber of my soul, the very reason for my existence."

I read it but thought, "Fiber of his soul, indeed. If I loaned Alex $2,550, he would take it and—with no regret— never contact me again." The hutzpah.

Then I launched Scam #3. It read:

"PROBLEM SOLVED!
"Let me tell you what I did, Alex. I went to my bank and talked to my personal banker, Chuck Lawrence, and told him your situation, you know, hired by UN, in Syria near Damascus, and now time to go back to the US. "But he can't" I said, "unless he can get ahold of $2,550. To borrow it, I mean. If I had the money, I'd loan it to him," I said. And Chuck agreed that I didn't have that kind of money. "Then I told Chuck that you said your USA bank account is loaded. And I asked him if he could loan you $2,550 and use a portion of your bank account as, I think the term is "collateral." "I don't see why not," he said. So I gave him your email address. And he's going to contact you, get the information he needs to activate the loan. Isn't that fantastic, Alex!"

Alex didn't find it nearly as fantastic as I did. "Baby you can't just go to your bank and enquire for my bank account with out letting me know. Baby he can't get into my bank account I don't know him. Come on baby you can't tell people what you gonna use the money for. Baby use your name to take the loan. I'll pay you back when I come home."

Then my computer crashed. I was off line for eight days.

Alex seemed happy when I returned."I miss you my beautiful sexy queen," he wrote, "I am talking about my flight ticket money."

"What about it?" I asked.

"Baby, I thought we already discussed about it or you change your mind?"

I considered: "The last we discussed was Mr. Chuck in the bank. You didn't want it."

"Baby do you really want to help me?"

Yes." Here I introduced Scam #4, my final scam. "I found another way you could get money. It's called 'Go Fund Me.' Have you ever heard of it?"

"How can I get the money?"

"It's a Facebook deal," I told him. "You put your story up on 'Go Fund Me' and people fund you."

"Lol, you are funny."

"You think I'm not serious?"

Alex seemed indignant. "You want me to start begging on Facebook? If you won't borrow money for my flight ticket that means you don't want me home."

"I cannot borrow money for you. That doesn't mean that I don't want you home."

Alex put his foot down. "Woman who loves her man will try her best to get her man home no matter what."

"I've done my best. Chuck in the bank and now Go Fund Me."

"You are very funny."

"Sorry."

"You don't want to help and you are not serious. You are playing with me, Babe."

"So? Tit for tat."

"Maybe I stop talking to you, Babe, because you are not ready or serious.

"Of course I'm ready and serious. At least as much as you are, darling."

Then Alex went off on a strange tangent: "Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Alex paused and wrote: "You are not my type of woman. I want a woman who is love, who will do anything for Love."

"Ok sweetheart."

"You don't really want to help me."

"Want" is the wrong word…I can't ."

"Ok bye." Alex wrote.

He quit, but I didn't lose. For one thing, I knew he wouldn't come back.

For another, I believed I could crawl back in his good graces pretending to by loan him $2,550. He was wired to money. He could tell me what I have to do to wire the money to him. And I could pretend to do it. Watch him lose all over again. But that would keep Alex talking only a few days.

Why bother? I'd already won. I met Alex in mid-November. and had occupied him day after day for two months, time that he couldn't spend scamming someone else.

Plus what fun it had been to watch my scammer react to my imagined visit to Chuck the banker and protest my explanations of "Go Fund Me."

Scamming Alex had been worth it, an entertaining way not to lose $2,550.