There’s No Fool Like…

I met Alex, of course, on Facebook's messenger. Scammers run rampant there. They're easy to spot. "Hello dear," these military guys type.

True, Alex called me "Honey" and like the others, bombarded me with questions. But not the standard "Are you married with kids?" Instead, he asked: "What's your favorite color?" or "What kind of music do you like?" He seemed to like me.

To protect myself, I routinely said, "No," to dozens of scammer requests for my phone number, for my email address, for moving to a hangout on Gmail, but Alex never asked. He was too busy describing how he worked for the United Nations, in Syria in a camp outside of Damascus fighting "the rebels" i.e. ISIS. "Honey, the fighting's bad," he typed.

But eventually he wrote, "It's too dangerous for me to stay on Facebook. However, the UN okays a move to a hangout on Gmail. How about it?" And I moved with Alexander Nicholas to his <alenxandern@gmail.com>.

Why not? I knew he was no scammer; we even joked about it. Besides, I could spot a scam: unexpected money discovered and hidden for safety reasons, money that I'd help him find with my money.

Over the hours, we talked about love. Alex told me how beautiful I was (i.e. my Facebook picture), how he was falling for me. Soon we exchanged emoji kisses, then described what we'd do to each other if we were stark naked. I laughed a lot.

However, eventually Alex wrote: "When I was in Iraq we discovered some funds on routine foot patrol, Baghdad Iraq at company's compound, the total money which was found not declared. I cannot keep my share of the money in Iraq for security reasons, I moved the funds, and deposited the box containing the money in disguise for safe keeping in one Finance Storage and Security Company and nobody knows about this without any trace."

Next he wrote, "Honey, I want you to help me receive my package thru a diplomatic agent."

Damn! Just an ordinary scammer. Pleas for money would certainly follow.

Furious, I cried, "The swindler!" and pulled the plug on our Gmail hangout.

Then I stood before the computer shouting, "Oh you dog, you snake, you toad, you worm! You slimeball! You creep! You bastard."

I turned away. He wasn't just a bastard, no, Alex with his honey this, honey that was a first-class heartbreaker.

Indeed, I had to admit, "There is no fool like an eighty-year-old woman who believes that a fifty-five-year-old man has the hots for her."  

After that, I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.